Here are the jokes from the Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff that didn’t make broadcast that I did on Howard Stern this morning.
Seth mcfarlane. You’ve officially done the impossible. You’re a multi millionaire, you’ve created successful shows, you can help my career, yet I still don’t want to fuck you.
What a bunch of idiots. I haven’t seen this many dicks up close since pilot season.
Jerry springer, george Hamilton. Everyone up here is so old. I didn’t realize comedy central’s demographic was heaven.
Everyone is talking about how I gave sexual favors to be here. No. This is embarrassing. I’d blow someone to get off this show.
Jerry Springer? George Hamilton? I couldn’t blow anyone here if I wanted to–none of these men can get erections.
If I blew someone up here I wouldn’t be on comedy central I’d be on the history channel.
jerry springer, jeff ross, greg giraldo. This dias is so useless and gross, pam is probably going to try to fuck it it.
Jeff Ross.
Jeff, why aren’t you successful? You’ve had so many chances to make it. Your career moves slower than lisa lampanellis metabolism.
I wouldn’t fuck you if I was hulk Hogan and you were brooke Hogan.
Lisa lampanelli
lisa, you spend all this time talking about how you have sex with black guys. Nobody is having sex with you. Your vagina gets hit less than jeff ross’s IMDB page.
jerry springer
Everyone on your show is disgusting, ignorant, toothless, white trash. Basically everything pam needs to have an orgasm.
Pam Anderson
Pam and hoff worked together for a long time. You two are like a famous duo. You two are like Abbott and a slut with hepatitis.
Pam, Your vagina is like the finale of lost: 10 million people have seen it, everyone was disappointed, and everyone who was in it died.
Pam its ironic that you’re an animal rights activist. If you love animals so much why don’t you boycott your leathery face.
Pam, You’re like kate gosselin. You’re a old, you’re blonde, and you’re a fame whore. The only difference is the 8 babies that came out of your vagina were aborted.
Hulk Hogan
I have seen your daughter, Brooke Hogan. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. No, I mean she literally looks like she fell out of a tree.
Your daughter Brooke inherited a lot from you: her blonde hair, her tan skin, her dick.
Hoff
Hoff, you’re like george hamiltons dick. you don’t work.
You’ve spent years of your life on baywatch with pam Anderson, Carmen electra and yasmeen bleeth. If you don’t have genital warts, I think hepatitis c owes Tommy Lee an apology.
You’ve been around more herpes infested vaginas than a toilet at the kardashians house.
David hasslehoff is such shitty actor that if there was a movie made about the life of david hasslehoff, the actor they’d hire to play him would be david hasslehoff.
Ive seen your music videos it seems like you’re trying to do an elvis thing with the swagger and deep voice. Too bad you didn’t go all the way with the elvis thing and have talent and kill yourself.
Hulk Hogan isn’t the only horrible father up here. hasslehoff has two daughters as well. Between the two of you you’ve brought more more dumb whores into the world than sarah palin.
