How I Discovered I'm An Asshole: A Cautionary Tale

[Archon]

There's this girl (we'll call her C) my wife and I have known for a long time. She's had a rough life, relationally, financially, psychologically. For the past several we've helped her out with food, gas, clothes, whatever she's needed. She's beautiful, and compassionate, and free spirited and I let myself get closer to her than I should have. Somewhere along the way I fell a little bit in love with her and she fell quite in love with me. I've never acted on those feelings though C has given me every opportunity. Instead, I keep them locked down deep and even now I'm reluctant to admit they are there. But they are. Maybe they always will be. I don't know. It's a source of frustration for me. But that's not the end of the story.
Not long ago C and I met at a coffee shop to work on her resume and she brought her friend (let's go with L). I'd heard all about L as they spend every minute together, but we had never met. I wasn't there long and only interacted with L briefly, but in addition to being very pretty she was engaging and witty. After I left I didn't think much about it outside of being frustrated that C still hadn't finished the resume she begged me to help with.
A couple of days later I sent L a FB message letting her know I was trying a particular dish she had recommended. That began a series of messages and texts that quickly escalated into her admitting a strong attraction to me. I was flattered to say the least. I was blown away. I let her know I was married (I don't think she knew that) and that I wouldn't be persuing anything with her. She was very apologetic and understanding. She felt bad anyway because of the connection I had with her best friend. It was just a whole mess.
If I wasn't such a weak, selfish asshole I would have just said, see you around, but I continued to stay in touch with her. I rationalized it by saying she knew the deal and we were cool, but I watched as her feelings got more and more intense. She was so conflicted because she felt like she was betraying C while simeltaneously knowing I was never going persue either one of them.
We had a pretty good talk last night and I think we got everything squared away, but the whole situation certainly revealed some pretty nasty character flaws in me. It's never fun to confront the dark side of yourself. It's not pretty.
I also have no idea how I untentionally made two amazing girls fall in love with me. I think I just got caught up in the whole newness and excitement of the thing. Or worse, maybe I constructed, or at least manipulated, the whole situation for some sort of twisted sense of pleasure. I don't know. My head's still spinning on this one and I'm quite certain it hasn't finished playing itself out.
Feel free to comment if you want but I know I screwed up on a lot of levels. I take full responsibility for this one.

 

[Black King]

Dude stringing someone along, never ok especially when you're married. No offense but what were you thinking?

 

[Richard Martin]

Perhaps you did not handle this as well as you should. But allow me to come to your defense.

At no time did you cheat on your wife. At no time did you deny or keep you marital status from anyone. And though you did develop feelings for these ladies you did stay true to your wife and honest it appears to them both.

Marriage is hard, and people can love more than one person at a time. The only thing I really fault you for is placing yourself in this situation and considering that you did it in the process of trying to help someone who needed it, I think you should lighten up JUST a tad on yourself.

I can say that in my time being married I have not done the same thing as you. But for the grace of God go I in that regard because I can say that a few women have gone soft on me in that time and more than a few of them, had I not been a bit more vigilant, could have gotten too close to me in my own heart.