It just seems like people do it as a matter of course - not even like having an "affair" so to speak, but just randomly hooking up with people even though they are seeing someone.
Do all people cheat?
- Thread starter Clara Oswald
- Start date
DonDaddyD
::Gesturing ala Nas::
What about the other person. If a person is having relations/affair with someone and is fully aware that the other person is with/trapped with someone else. Is that person just as much to blame as the person who cheats?
I'm asking because many times I talk to my Manager about her relationships her husband and her split and then she found out that he cheated on her. She has been out with guys that she knows are with other people but she doesn't seem to care.
A part of of me knows she does and maybe she is acting out of spite... Is she as much to blame as the person who is actually cheating? Even though she doesn't know the person that is being cheated on?
I'm asking because many times I talk to my Manager about her relationships her husband and her split and then she found out that he cheated on her. She has been out with guys that she knows are with other people but she doesn't seem to care.
A part of of me knows she does and maybe she is acting out of spite... Is she as much to blame as the person who is actually cheating? Even though she doesn't know the person that is being cheated on?
Well I can say that I have cheated once in my life. My situation was different because it wasn’t like I was looking to cheat. And to believe that men cheat more than women is bull. I know too many women who have cheated on their mates. When a man cheats all I hear is because he is a man, but yet when a woman cheats it is because something was missing in their relationship.
Why did I do it. Well my lady at the time would be online all of the time. Giving everyone else her attention and denying me time that I deserved. She would flirt online, and all be it I am not a jealous man, any man will get tired of seeing their woman making sexual tiffs with other men. This was an everyday thing. I tired talking to her about how I felt, but it always came back to how she felt, and everything else going on with her. She never once realized that was hurting. I felt as if nothing I did was good enough for her, and no matter how much I tried to show her how much I loved her it was never reciprocated. Abut 3 months before I cheated I told her outright how I felt, and that this could not continue. I was to the point that I couldn’t stand to be around her, and was beginning to resent her, but I also loved her with all of my heart. I think that is what hurt the most. Well we pretty much didn’t even talk, and if I wanted to hold a conversation with her I had to get online to send her a text message. While she is sitting right next to me. Well I met someone online, and in the beginning I wasn’t looking for anything more than just someone to talk to. It became refreshing to have someone a woman showing interest in me, talking to me, spending time with me even if it was on the computer. Well one thing lead to another and we ended up deciding to meet to talk in person. To put a face with the conversation. I didn’t realize just how strong the attraction was. It wasn’t a physical attraction more than it was a emotional connection as well as mental, which I had lost with my lady due to both of us. One thing lead to another, and we ended up sleeping together. Do I regret it, yes and no. Yes I regret it because I do still love my ex, but I don’t regret it because I fell as if I tried everything short of smashing her computer to tiny bits to get my point across. So, all I can say is if you women feel as if you can’t communicate with your man, or that you can’t be around your man. It is best that you leave your man! I may be the bad guy for cheating, but I also tired with everything I had to make things work. In the end that was the problem. I was the only on trying.
Sorry this is kind of long winded, but hey, what can you do?
Why did I do it. Well my lady at the time would be online all of the time. Giving everyone else her attention and denying me time that I deserved. She would flirt online, and all be it I am not a jealous man, any man will get tired of seeing their woman making sexual tiffs with other men. This was an everyday thing. I tired talking to her about how I felt, but it always came back to how she felt, and everything else going on with her. She never once realized that was hurting. I felt as if nothing I did was good enough for her, and no matter how much I tried to show her how much I loved her it was never reciprocated. Abut 3 months before I cheated I told her outright how I felt, and that this could not continue. I was to the point that I couldn’t stand to be around her, and was beginning to resent her, but I also loved her with all of my heart. I think that is what hurt the most. Well we pretty much didn’t even talk, and if I wanted to hold a conversation with her I had to get online to send her a text message. While she is sitting right next to me. Well I met someone online, and in the beginning I wasn’t looking for anything more than just someone to talk to. It became refreshing to have someone a woman showing interest in me, talking to me, spending time with me even if it was on the computer. Well one thing lead to another and we ended up deciding to meet to talk in person. To put a face with the conversation. I didn’t realize just how strong the attraction was. It wasn’t a physical attraction more than it was a emotional connection as well as mental, which I had lost with my lady due to both of us. One thing lead to another, and we ended up sleeping together. Do I regret it, yes and no. Yes I regret it because I do still love my ex, but I don’t regret it because I fell as if I tried everything short of smashing her computer to tiny bits to get my point across. So, all I can say is if you women feel as if you can’t communicate with your man, or that you can’t be around your man. It is best that you leave your man! I may be the bad guy for cheating, but I also tired with everything I had to make things work. In the end that was the problem. I was the only on trying.
Sorry this is kind of long winded, but hey, what can you do?
I am sorry but maybe I take an extremist view on this subject. Don't ever cheat on somebody.. at least LEAVE them before, or end the relationship. Your partner may not even know how you feel and then all of a sudden you say you CHEATED on them? That is WAY worse than ENDING the relationship to be with somebody else, at least in my opinion. Breakups are ugly, but if you begin cheating you are merely on the CHEATING train to BREAKUP town, my friend..
I don't understand why there is cheating in the first place, people need to have the decency to say to their partner they want to be with other people, END It before hooking up with somebody else, and if you just can't stay faithful and need to have sex with a million people, then A you SHOULDN"T be having sex because you are just perpetuating the STD epidemic and B you SHOULDN'T be in a relationship in the first place...
I know there are different variations and situations that lead to cheating, but at the end of the day, you can only blame yourself if you cheat. So what if somebody didn't pay you enough attention, they didn't HAVE SEX with somebody outside the relationship.. the kicker for me is if you cheat and then continue to have a sexual relationship with the person you cheated on! How DARE anybody do that? You let somebody else inside of you or you were inside someone else and then you open your legs or stand erect to your lover, without them knowing you were SPOILED? Ridiculous.
I don't understand why there is cheating in the first place, people need to have the decency to say to their partner they want to be with other people, END It before hooking up with somebody else, and if you just can't stay faithful and need to have sex with a million people, then A you SHOULDN"T be having sex because you are just perpetuating the STD epidemic and B you SHOULDN'T be in a relationship in the first place...
I know there are different variations and situations that lead to cheating, but at the end of the day, you can only blame yourself if you cheat. So what if somebody didn't pay you enough attention, they didn't HAVE SEX with somebody outside the relationship.. the kicker for me is if you cheat and then continue to have a sexual relationship with the person you cheated on! How DARE anybody do that? You let somebody else inside of you or you were inside someone else and then you open your legs or stand erect to your lover, without them knowing you were SPOILED? Ridiculous.
Well I am not going to turn this into an agrugement trying to justify anything, becuase there is no justifacation. I just esplained my situation. Your stance is your stance. But just as you are sitting there saying that you would never cheat. I said the same thing. I have learned two things. 1 Never say never, and 2 Not every situation is a clear cut black and white issue. But to sit there and say that becuase someone doesn't show you any attention doesn't matter. All I can say is when you are in a relationship for a long period of time, and feel as if you aren't spending any time with your woman, the woman that you love. Come talk to me about how you feel. I am not making a justification for why I cheated or cheating in general. Do I still think it is wrong, hell yes. The point I was trying to make is that in some situations your mate can push you away.
I also sure as hell don't condone anyone sleeping around with scores of men, or women just for the sake of doing so. As for my partner. I told them how I felt several times, so the excuse of them not knowing doesn't apply. Did I break up with them yes, but also love can make you confused and unsure about some of the decisions one makes.
So, you may try to bash me, and thats fine. But don't attempt to judge me, becuase you don't know me well enough to make that kind of judgement not that you have the right to even if you did. You can make your opinion felt, but until you walk a mile in someones shoes, you truely can't understand what a person is feeling or thinking.:whistle:
I also sure as hell don't condone anyone sleeping around with scores of men, or women just for the sake of doing so. As for my partner. I told them how I felt several times, so the excuse of them not knowing doesn't apply. Did I break up with them yes, but also love can make you confused and unsure about some of the decisions one makes.
So, you may try to bash me, and thats fine. But don't attempt to judge me, becuase you don't know me well enough to make that kind of judgement not that you have the right to even if you did. You can make your opinion felt, but until you walk a mile in someones shoes, you truely can't understand what a person is feeling or thinking.:whistle:
My comments were in no way directed towards you. I am merely stating my point. I was raised by STRONG women who were all scorned in some way by men and each of them was cheated on and had no idea what was going on. They felt everything was okay.
And I can say that there ARE things I am never going to do and know they will never happen.. Cheating is one of them.. it is not something I personally have come across, and I know I would feel completely crushed if my girlfriend or wife told me that she had cheated on me. What I will say is that if your MATE pushes you away, I understand love is confusing and maybe I am just too logical for my own good, but I would LET them know that and if they weren't responsive to me, I would leave them after exhausting all options, I would never cheat on them. I would respect MYSELF and my significant OTHER more than to do something like that.. I know everything isn't black and white, but to me, this is a subject that IS. To me cheating is probably one of the ultimately crushing things you can do to a person, and while your OWN circumstances are different, but I never said if a person doesn't pay you attention, it doesn't matter. I said that person needs to know, you obviously communicated the matter and she did nothing, my only problem would be I would have broken UP with her before ever getting seriously talking with this woman you met on the computer. I wouldn't have put myself in that kind of situation.. I don't know that is just me..
But I am in no way ATTACKING you or your situation, I am just explaining another perspective, a MALE perspective, which I think is important, because I find that all too often, Men don't think cheating is all that bad, when really it is..
And I can say that there ARE things I am never going to do and know they will never happen.. Cheating is one of them.. it is not something I personally have come across, and I know I would feel completely crushed if my girlfriend or wife told me that she had cheated on me. What I will say is that if your MATE pushes you away, I understand love is confusing and maybe I am just too logical for my own good, but I would LET them know that and if they weren't responsive to me, I would leave them after exhausting all options, I would never cheat on them. I would respect MYSELF and my significant OTHER more than to do something like that.. I know everything isn't black and white, but to me, this is a subject that IS. To me cheating is probably one of the ultimately crushing things you can do to a person, and while your OWN circumstances are different, but I never said if a person doesn't pay you attention, it doesn't matter. I said that person needs to know, you obviously communicated the matter and she did nothing, my only problem would be I would have broken UP with her before ever getting seriously talking with this woman you met on the computer. I wouldn't have put myself in that kind of situation.. I don't know that is just me..
But I am in no way ATTACKING you or your situation, I am just explaining another perspective, a MALE perspective, which I think is important, because I find that all too often, Men don't think cheating is all that bad, when really it is..
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This is a good thread. :nod: I think cheating relates back to more so the animal kingdom, its animalistic. We all in some way desire someone else maybe not physically but in a way, even if its a celebrity. We as humans are mammals, lust and the desire to copulate has driven us to life, whether to reproduce or to stimulate our own selfish needs. Each of us has that drive within us.
Not everyone cheats, its more an issue of self control than just loving someone. Men and women both cheat, but it has been theorized that those who have been cheated upon will do the same. I believe that theory is false, my previous partner cheated on me and I have never cheated on my fiance ever. I have more self control, I believe in staying faithful.
I also believe if a person is "denied" access such as forbidden fruit, they want it more. Its more of a reverse psychology development then anything else. Some people want a challenge or a new thrill to make their life more intriguing. The threat of being caught can stimulate the person(s) sexually, similar to an exhibitionist who favors having sex in public. It depends on the person and what they are capable of.
Not everyone cheats, its more an issue of self control than just loving someone. Men and women both cheat, but it has been theorized that those who have been cheated upon will do the same. I believe that theory is false, my previous partner cheated on me and I have never cheated on my fiance ever. I have more self control, I believe in staying faithful.
I also believe if a person is "denied" access such as forbidden fruit, they want it more. Its more of a reverse psychology development then anything else. Some people want a challenge or a new thrill to make their life more intriguing. The threat of being caught can stimulate the person(s) sexually, similar to an exhibitionist who favors having sex in public. It depends on the person and what they are capable of.
MaGiCaLjuliet
Unknown
Okay, I've never personally cheated but I've been involved in a relationship where the guy cheated on me. It was devastating! I had one of those guys that cheated and refused to admit to it when confronted with information. My friends would tell me that they saw him with other girls, hanging off of them and the like and I would dismiss it or ignore it thinking my friends (though, in retrospect this makes no sense) didn't want me to be happy. He would also write letters to girls, some of them were even my close friends, telling them how much he loved them, how he was using me, and that he would leave me for them if they would ever show him any interest. I confronted him frequently with the letters as my friends would give them to me and he would say things like, "They're just jealous of what we have." Though, ever fiber of my being KNEW he was cheating on me, I didn't want to believe it. So when one of my lesser friends responded to his advances, he immediately left me for her. I was crushed but then realized that our relationship had pretty much sucked! Full of doubt and worry and general stress. I know you're thinking how could you be so stupid? I just had blinders on, thinking I was in love with him. Our relationship, if you could call it that, lasted ten months before he left me. The funny thing was, a week after breaking up with me he attempted to get me back. He stayed after school one day and talked to me saying that he would break up with his new girlfriend if I would take him back. I ALMOST fell for it. Up until I heard him talking to his friend saying he could have the both of us if he wanted and that he had no intention of breaking things off with his newbie. Screw that!!!
My childhood home was also affected by cheating. My mom and dad got a divorce after my dad started seeing a co-worker. He even bought this woman a dress on Valentine's Day using my mom's credit card!!! My mom's Valentine's Day gift was bought using the same card, so my mom payed for her own present. I know you're thinking my dad must be this absolutely horrid person. But really, he's not. He just does what most men do, think with their dick. I was hurt when I found out what he had put my mother through and I really wanted him to pay for it. He has. Getting a divorce was hardest on him and my mom has moved on to a more loving relationship. I still spend time with my dad but I ask him frequently why he did what he did. He really has no answer for me.
I don't know why people cheat. Maybe it's the animal instinct in nature. The idea that reproduction should take place as many times as possible. That need to spread the seed. But, in a society that emphasizes one partner for the rest of your life, you are expected to conform. I wish more people would. I've seen marriages (more than just my parents') go under, relationships ruined, and the person who was cheated on in excruciating pain. I never want to date another cheater and I hope I'm never unfortunate enough to run across one.
My childhood home was also affected by cheating. My mom and dad got a divorce after my dad started seeing a co-worker. He even bought this woman a dress on Valentine's Day using my mom's credit card!!! My mom's Valentine's Day gift was bought using the same card, so my mom payed for her own present. I know you're thinking my dad must be this absolutely horrid person. But really, he's not. He just does what most men do, think with their dick. I was hurt when I found out what he had put my mother through and I really wanted him to pay for it. He has. Getting a divorce was hardest on him and my mom has moved on to a more loving relationship. I still spend time with my dad but I ask him frequently why he did what he did. He really has no answer for me.
I don't know why people cheat. Maybe it's the animal instinct in nature. The idea that reproduction should take place as many times as possible. That need to spread the seed. But, in a society that emphasizes one partner for the rest of your life, you are expected to conform. I wish more people would. I've seen marriages (more than just my parents') go under, relationships ruined, and the person who was cheated on in excruciating pain. I never want to date another cheater and I hope I'm never unfortunate enough to run across one.