Karma
Heart Attack
Alright, I saw this bastard baby produced by Platinum Dunes/Michael Bay
and although I went in with LOW expectations? the FLOOR STILL DROPPED OUT from underneath THAT and I was UPSET at myself for having PAID to see this shit!
and now, here is my SCATHING critique of this film.
To begin, Pamela Voorhees (now played by Star Trek: Deep Space Nine actress, Nana Visitor) appears in all of 5 seconds of the film. Her LEGENDARY run in the original Friday the 13th film is MINIMIZED to a shocking extent and her presence in the film is about strong as Prue Halliwell's after Shannen Doherty left Charmed.
Jason gets to kill not one but TWO batches of teenagers who look like they were on their way to an ambercrombie & fitch photo shoot. The first batch loses their way in the woods (despite having a GPS device on hand) and after the obligatory journey into sex and glorifying drug use...that group is dispatched by a large, FAST MOVING Jason who wears a bag on his head.
6 weeks passes and the 2nd batch arrives, to spend time at a luxury cottage which happens to be mere steps away from Camp Crystal Lake. These teens are just as beautifull and no less self absorbed. the poster child for Hitler's "master race" male (a blonde, blue eyed asshole) spends most of his time trying to control everyone else while the girl with a heart of gold wanders through the forest with the "mysterious stranger with a connection to the events that no one can figure out yet".
Soon, Jason [who seems to have set traps and other things about the forest] is at it again...dispatching THIS group of teens. He finds his iconic hokey mask in the attic of some derranged red neck who was about to have sex with a mannequin! the kill scenes are predictable and its hard to care about any of the victims.
two would be survivors emerge as darkness sets in and the body count reaches its maximum capacity...a THIRD survivor from the FIRST group of teens is found and joins the scooby doo-esque chase sequence between themselves and jason through the forest.
In the end...TWO survive the usual "Final girl" and this time a "Final boy".
BUT OF COURSE just as they breathe sigh of relief against the newly risen sun in the sky...
The movie was NO DIFFERENT than any other SEQUEL to the original...it's not even WORTH being called a "new beginning" because it OBVIOUSLY tapped into the story of the FIRST film. It was TERRIBLY predictable from one moment to the next. it wasnt clever, it wasnt a "tender homage"...it wasnt ANYTHING that Platinum Dunes promised it would be...and why? because A) they had Michael Bay directing it
and B) if a film is CLASSIC, then it doesnt need to be REMADE or "REIMAGINED"
In short: Don't make the mistake i did...WAIT for dvd...or if you just HAVE to see it at the theatre, be SMART and catch a matinee'.
NEXT --->
and now, here is my SCATHING critique of this film.
To begin, Pamela Voorhees (now played by Star Trek: Deep Space Nine actress, Nana Visitor) appears in all of 5 seconds of the film. Her LEGENDARY run in the original Friday the 13th film is MINIMIZED to a shocking extent and her presence in the film is about strong as Prue Halliwell's after Shannen Doherty left Charmed.
Jason gets to kill not one but TWO batches of teenagers who look like they were on their way to an ambercrombie & fitch photo shoot. The first batch loses their way in the woods (despite having a GPS device on hand) and after the obligatory journey into sex and glorifying drug use...that group is dispatched by a large, FAST MOVING Jason who wears a bag on his head.
6 weeks passes and the 2nd batch arrives, to spend time at a luxury cottage which happens to be mere steps away from Camp Crystal Lake. These teens are just as beautifull and no less self absorbed. the poster child for Hitler's "master race" male (a blonde, blue eyed asshole) spends most of his time trying to control everyone else while the girl with a heart of gold wanders through the forest with the "mysterious stranger with a connection to the events that no one can figure out yet".
Soon, Jason [who seems to have set traps and other things about the forest] is at it again...dispatching THIS group of teens. He finds his iconic hokey mask in the attic of some derranged red neck who was about to have sex with a mannequin! the kill scenes are predictable and its hard to care about any of the victims.
two would be survivors emerge as darkness sets in and the body count reaches its maximum capacity...a THIRD survivor from the FIRST group of teens is found and joins the scooby doo-esque chase sequence between themselves and jason through the forest.
In the end...TWO survive the usual "Final girl" and this time a "Final boy".
BUT OF COURSE just as they breathe sigh of relief against the newly risen sun in the sky...
Jason bursts up from the water and grabs the "final girl" and the movie is over.
The movie was NO DIFFERENT than any other SEQUEL to the original...it's not even WORTH being called a "new beginning" because it OBVIOUSLY tapped into the story of the FIRST film. It was TERRIBLY predictable from one moment to the next. it wasnt clever, it wasnt a "tender homage"...it wasnt ANYTHING that Platinum Dunes promised it would be...and why? because A) they had Michael Bay directing it
In short: Don't make the mistake i did...WAIT for dvd...or if you just HAVE to see it at the theatre, be SMART and catch a matinee'.
NEXT --->